Chapter 10: Nicebottom and Bondage

Harry was immersed in a letter of advice when he looked up to see what Professor LazyArrrs was droning on about. Something about nobody being here. "But I'm here!" said Harry. Professor LazyArrrs paid no attention and wandered off along the corridor to find more non-related work things to do to pass the time. About half an hour later, Professor Nicebottom appeared with a steaming mug of tea that he had just made himself. Harry was amazed. "Is that for me?" he asked, in wonderment. "Yes" said Professor Nicebottom, with a smile that was ever so slightly guilty (so it should be, being the first cup of tea that he had made in The Year of Our Pug 2006) and headed back to his desk.

Harry returned to his advice. It was a very interesting case involving a penguin, a flamethrower, a mad badger and an argument over a large bag of marshmallows. He decided that this complicated set of facts required the input of Professor Google, given that she had spent half of her training contract being supervised by a mad badger and knew all about how to handle them.
"Make them cups of tea Harry! Works every ti- HARRY - is that what I think it is? Did Professor Nicebottom make that cup of tea for you??"

"err, yes" replied Harry, "why?"

"Why, because that cup of tea is so rare that it is in fact a portkey Harry, a portkey that will transport you to Peking for an audience with Frank The Merciful! Nicebottom must need the assistance of the Great Pug..."

Peering into the mug, Harry and Google spotted what looked like a very small dominatrix trapped inside a fairtrade teabag, furiously waving a minature version of a very thick credit control report. Google went slightly pale.

"You must act very quickly Harry. We need to free and re-size Anastasia Bondage and modify her memory. I think Nicebottom was sending her to Frank the Merciful to be chewed up! He would never treat his credit control report with such contempt! What on earth has possessed Nicebottom?! - or worse, who?"

At the foot of the large multipack of Clipper Teabags, a minature Professor Nicebottom was wondering how on earth he had ended up in there. All he remembered was the sound of Professor LazyArrrs approaching, the crack of a wand and an evil cackle.....