Prelude: Introducing...

Professor Tedward Nicebottom - Neville's outrageous uncle and SuperTed Lookalike, has made two cups of tea in the year 2005.
Professor Chav - Burberry lover, corporate slave and, ummm, chav
Professor Google - Blogmistress, not dissimilar to Mary Poppins (Practically Perfect In Every Way). Modest.